Capitalism & other kids stuff

As long as I can remember, I've been "wanting" stuff. Of course, as a kid, you always want that toy that seems so out of reach. Since my parents worked in showbiz and I travelled a lot all over Europe, I never did have dreams of seeing new places, that was just part of my everyday life ("Running away with a circus" wasn't really an option since we worked at one). Money was always tight though, so my main focus became my infantile (and VERY tenacious) need for toys. I think the only time in my life I actually prayed was at the age of ten: I asked the Almighty to bring me that LEGO pirate boat for my next birthday (didn't work, never prayed since). I guess that is all understandable, as kids we've probably all experienced the jealousy of the neighbour and his/her toys.

Thing is, even after I turned eighteen I couldn't loose that sense of needing to catch up to everything I wanted to have. At first, I didn't really care about what it was, the feeling of earning enough money to be able to buy stuff was so exhilarating that I even bought things I'd never come to use. With time, I went for consecutively more expensive stuff. Around that time I made the "ultimate" list of what i wanted (32 inch TV, nice computer, a "non ancient" cellphone, a surround sound system and a lot more...). As a result, I sit today in an apartment with over 1200 DVDs, a 42 inch TV, two computers, a PS3, and lots more stuff I'll most probably never use. Point is: My list is empty and I haven't added more.

Is it a sign of maturity? I certainly don't think so. But still, there should be some kind of reason why I'm totally satisfied with what I have now and have completely cured my need for the "next thing" (you know what I mean tekkies!). Beats me, but please tell me if you know!

Ramblings and such... They annoy me, do I annoy them?

The other day, we were watching "My Name Is Earl". At the end of an episode Randy, Earls "limited" brother, says the following:

"Yeah, I’m glad she’s not dead anymore. Being dead is definitely worse than being alive. When you're dead, you can't do all the cool stuff you can do when you're alive. You and I, we can do all kinds of cool stuff 'cause we're livin'. We're not dead. We're alive. If we were dead, we wouldn't be able to do all the cool stuff we can do because we're alive. Dead people can't do cool stuff. Only people that are alive can do cool stuff, because they're livin'. And you have to be livin' to be able to do cool stuff. You have to be alive. Yeah, except, when you're alive, sometimes bad stuff happens, too. Like sometimes you can get in a car wreck, or you can have a headache, or twist your ankle, or even stub your big toe. So bein' alive is kinda hard, too. But I think it's definitely better than being dead."




It blew my mind.... First of all, It's hilarious. But not only that, It also got me thinking since I recognised it so well. Then it came to me: I've been at several social events at which people took themselves so seriously without having anything to say that they actually talked exactly like that. Of course, the subject was somewhat more complicated, but they basically didn't say more than Randy says above. I guess it totally depends on the group of people you're hanging out with at the time. Two subjects that easily slip into the mold are philosophy and politics. Probably because most people know less about them than they are prepared to acknowledge, or just because they like to sound smart. Don't get me wrong, I love a good debate! I just can't stand the ramblings of people who are intellectual posers. Political youth organisations in Sweden are a great example (Speaking from my own experience). People talk, A LOT, about the same things over and over again, complain and whine about society and everybodys total lack of compassion, about how multinational corporations and globalisation taking over. I agree with most of these facts, and everybody's free to think what they want. What bothers me is that many talk passionately about them while drinking coffee and then, instead of doing anything about it, just go buy lunch at a McDonald's (wasn't multinationals the scum of the earth just a second ago?), buy cheap shoes made by kids in India (since they don't want to buy any from the evil multinational brands). Same thing goes for demonstrations, some people do involve themselves in a cause and actually make a difference but most just show up to random rallies just because their friends do, or because they like the thought of making a difference. How is anybody supposed to take a cause seriously if the protesters themselves don't?

Changing the world, or just a part of society requires a huge investment of time and energy, and you can quite easily spot who's really prepared to go all the way and who's mostly interested of appearing as something they're not. I try to have a different approach to it. A couple of years ago, I realised I don't feel strongly enough for any popular "youth-political" subject, in other words I was one of those who would hate McDonald's but have myself a cheeseburger after a couple of pints. I couldn't take myself seriously anymore, and the idea of not being able to explain my action versus my ideas of how things should be made me find this other approach. Instead of crying out my ideas loudly I started to ignore the political details and instead behave in a way that would make the world around me a better place. In other words: Fuck politics. When in line at the food store, give that 2 dollars the person in front of you is missing for their salad, you won't miss them. Slow down on the street and look at what's happening around you, help out if you can. Demonstrating against violence isn't really helping if you run away when someone gets beaten up on a night out. The "practice what you preach" method seems evident to everybody but many just like the idea over actually applying it. A teenager tries to cheat his/her way onto a bus and gets caught? Pay their fare, it's not expensive and you'll feel good about yourself.

So start noticing the world around you! It doesn't stop at Idol, ...s got talent, or your new haircut. Live as you preach, and acknowledge the world as it is, good or bad, you can change what's close to you. I promise you'll be a happier person if you look the buss driver in the eye and greet him, recognise his existence, than if you donate money to any political party. But maybe I'm just rambling about my own fix idea of how to make the world a better place?

"You messed up, now I gotta mess you up. It's the law!" "B.A." (A-Team)

As the quote above says, that unwritten law applies to most people. Civilised or not, people have the following concept deeply rooted into their minds: messing up = consequences.

In a way, it's what makes the world go round just as much as money. Consequences (or perks) of your actions, much more than common moral decides whether you're going to do something or not. But what do you do if something only affects you, and you only have yourself to blame?


Yesterday, i had the setup for the perfect day, I definitely had nothing to complain about (And honestly i usually don't, i just complain anyway). Sun was shining, I was going home from the park, and I only had plans to do a few time-consuming things before dozing off on the couch. I rushed home anyway, and once there I realise I have no keys. Alright then, doesn't matter. I go down to the pizzeria close by to wait for Melissa to come home. When I finally get home at around 19:30, I'm still in a really good mood. Until something happens: i hit my head in the kitchen (the classic "stand up while a cupboard is open above you"). Today, i can only describe it as when the wicked witch is melting in "The Wizard of Oz", my spirit just ran off as if my skin instantly became impermeable. As if a switch got turned in my head, i found myself distasting everything around me. And then i mean really hating everything. I couldn't bring myself to go back to my previous state of mind and in the end, not knowing what to do with the anger growing inside of me, i just went to bed at 20:00.


Looking back I really have no idea what happened. I clearly had an issue with something, but chose to solve it by going to sleep. If we go back to the quote, what makes us do what we do? And can we even explain why we do things at all? Of course we can in the first degree, but further than that: Why can i have a bad day on a good day and a good day on a bad day? Sometimes, everything turns to shit, and we fight threw without a scratch. But when things are a little too good, we just don't get any satisfaction from it. I don't mean to sound overly negative, it's just that I personally (and a few of my friends) always need to have something going on to be happy. Laying around doing close to nothing is nice for a few hours, but after a while we need to get something done, anything really. I guess the best thing anyone can give me is time. I'd probably take it over anything else.

So what is the consequence of being the way you are? Your opinion can change, but the core of who you are seldom changes. Do we learn from our mistakes? I usually find myself doing the same ones over and over again. Is it a sad or a happy fact that you always will find someone, somewhere who agrees with your actions whatever they are? After all, you can basically excuse any behaviour by saying "I'm only human". But in the end, are we, and isn't that what drives us towards inhumanity?


PS: It's Monday, and I'm still kinda pissed. No idea why, but I'll roll with it until it wears off.

I'm not young enough to know everything...

Last week, i realised that life doesn't just wait around for me to see it moves to actually do so. Damn, that's a complicated sentence... I'll try to elaborate: Maybe I'm stupid not having seen this before, and of course I've thought about it, but not really understood it to It's full extent.

My little brother, who is quite a bit younger than me (at least more than siblings usually are), has partied with my friends and myself quite a few times. But last week, we had a party together, with both his friends and mine at the same time. The result was quite frightening: there was a kids table, and an adults table. Actually, we all were faced with the strange feeling of not being a teenager anymore. Of course, as i said before, we all knew this but we hadn't been faced with it, not that way. At one point in time, we joked about being so old we should talk about retirement savings and then shortly followed-up with doing exactly that. If that's not a sad moment in our still young (hopefully), western, middle class emotional lives, what is?

If I think back a few years, I believe i used to be an idealist. That has increasingly been replaced by sarcasm and general cynicism (not all bad though, the latter can be a great party-trick). I guess being amongst the youngest people at work doesn't really help my case youngening myself up (although some translators help me out in that endeavour). Since last Wednesday, I can't help but wonder If everybody feels that way sometimes? Do fifty year olds feel misplaced at a party with thirty five year olds? I've personally never had any problems fitting in any age group, but why does it seem like we have a harder time fitting in downwards than upwards? I usually hung out with much older people, does that make them weird or am I now if i have a hard time with younger people?

Anyway, as someone once said:
"As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me"

Luxurys antonym is necessity...

Last week, Melissa and yours truly had planned to lavishly celebrate our seven years together at a french restaurant here in Stockholm (www.paname.se). Unfortunately, she was recovering from a cold and we decided it wasn't the best idea... Instead, I promised her I'd bring the restaurant to her. This was the result:

First Entree:
-Fois Gras with fresh, sliced ciabatta.

Second Entree:
-Chicory lettuce with wine vinegar dressing, red onion, bacon and croutons.

Main Course:
-Roast duck breast with apple puree and fried parsley potatoes.

First Dessert:
-Goat cheese with med pecan nuts and honey coulis.

Second Dessert:
-Gratinated strawberries with an Elder flower (fläder), egg and cream sauce with vanilla ice cream.

Wines:
-Château La Borne moelleux, Bordeaux Blanc 2005.
-Beaujolais-Villages, Château du Souzy 2006.


...of course, I write this to brag about the accomplishment, but it also brings up the issue of something being luxurious or not. The common perception of something fancy or, as i mentioned, luxurious, is the idea of something being expensive.




Even though they are opposites, can a necessity still be, or feel like, a luxury and vice-versa? Last weekend, we went on a picnic in the woods. We sat in the sun on the top of a cliff with a small fire, roasting low-budget (tasteless) hot dogs over fire. It felt luxurious, although dirty, cheap and incredibly low-tech. Not what most people would call princely, but I loved it!



Is it a good thing to think of romance in the same way? And is that a luxury? I see all these shows on TV about the perfect (always rich) -boyfriend, -father etc... Does that give people false, not to mention close to impossible goals? Is the perfect father really the one who buys his kids anything, anytime? And if you take your partner in a helicopter ride, is it automatically romantic? People aren't stupid, far from it, I think (or at least choose to think) most people watching these shows realise that the things they see there aren't the perfect thing, and that that helicopter ride could be the most boring experience ever under the wrong circumstances. But do these shows plant a seed in peoples head? Do you need to go expensive to show love, or friendship? Again, people aren't stupid, but you DO get flattered when receiving expensive gifts. Does it have anything to do with the fact that someone has worked several hours to earn that money? Maybe, sometimes. But it's still my firm belief that we should remind ourselves more often of how peoples small efforts mean so much more a few years later than stuff bought at an expensive cost just to save time. Just like those little things we keep somewhere in the attic, tucked away and forgotten. When we find them again, they bring back a flood of memories. I guess, tragically enough, I'm saying the MasterCard commercial is right, some things are priceless.

When i brought home and unboxed my new laptop a few weeks ago, there was a scratch on it, while I was getting worked up my friend told me it didn' t matter, that it was only a tool and not a precious jewel. He was right, and i slowly realised that. He helped me remember we should all consider how we see money, a way to achieve goals, or the goal itself....? We should all get friends like that, like MasterCard would say: "Priceless".

Isn't there something beautiful about that?

At home, we occasionally (notice I'm using an obvious understatement) enjoy a nice bottle of wine. Usually, we leave empty bottles of really good fuddle behind, kindly imported from France by my father. But since the amount of wonderful liquid fitting in a car (previously a truck) is quite limited, we still need to buy some in Sweden. As my budget is restrained, but mostly because I hate paying 15€ more than I usually do for the exact same bottle just because it's got a description in Swedish on it and a new levy, I tend to go for the cheaper bottles.



To the point: the other day, my lovely partner brought home a bottle of Australian Merlot, more specifically Lindemans Bin 40. Let me start out by getting my rant about the bottle etiquette out of the way... First of all, It's about as classy as baked beans on toast, and does that pregnant sign mean that all other wines are ok for women with child to drink? Anyway, at first it didn't taste, ahem..., especially well. It had more of a gasoline quality to it, but once we tried with food (grated- apple, beetroot and horseradish) it actually got good!


The change was so dramatic it led me to think about one of my favourite books: "Le Parfum" (Perfume), and how smells, and in this case taste, amazingly can be combined to form the most unexpected results. I once discovered that a fresh strawberry completely kills the taste of Gorgonzola and vice versa.... I try to cook with that experimental state of mind whenever I can, which is pretty much every time. You ever noticed how you can wing a great recipe, but never get it right again? Same thing goes for most things in life, you can never refabricate a party, a weekend, a vacation, a job interview or even a friendship, it can be good again, better even, but the same? No. Loss or gain, I won't force you to decide, but isn't there something beautiful about that?

You're welcome to click the pictures too see the full size ones, especially the horrible "McDonalds" etiquette from the Merlot.

He who laughs last, laughs best?

I've been laughing at bloggers for quite a while now, well...., that's not really fair as i actually read a good bunch of them myself (although mostly large ones filled with sizzling video game news). What i find funny are all these thousands upon thousands of small bloggs meant for people to express their ideas, feelings and other random stuff only their closest friends would stop to read. These friends probably already know, or should threw actual social interaction (if anyone comments on a blogg being some kind of social interaction, I'll hunt down your IP and hand it to the MPA). Does blogging have the same mesmerising "facebook-effect" as so many other things on the Internet? Fun at first but with time more and more sporadic posts and finally blogg-death? What do you do then, host some kind of funeral or just let it slip away in the constant flow of the Internet? When i was about five bowling balls tall, i used to bury tin boxes with stuff for future archeologist's to discover, could a long gone blogg be rediscovered in a distant future? Probably not, and if it actually is during our lifetime, would that give the author a great moment of melancholy or the shame of a 9 year old boy who couldn't find his tin box again?

Still, i can' t help myself from feeling that i want such an outlet anyway.... So here it goes. May the force be with me...

I'm gonna ask questions, loads of question. And I'll probably provide the world with so few answers that even my closest friends will take me for a complete moron.

But as King Leonidas would say:
"THIS IS VICTOR MARCEL MANGEMATIN!!!!"